she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
not ubering you a puppy
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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