i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
