it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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