Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
tell me about the fingering
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