I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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