I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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