Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
This baby is an asshole
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
