I think my fart just growled at me.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
