Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
