According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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