I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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