I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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