you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
