The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
