Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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