very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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