Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
