Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
