I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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