He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
