my vag is so smooth its legendary
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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