After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
