Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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