I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
