she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
