We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
