I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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