Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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