quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
