my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
