At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
