8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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