just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
