I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
