I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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