for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
