IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
