WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
