THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
