he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
