Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
