I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
