I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
