when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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