I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
