Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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