My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
