I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
