Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
