Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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