Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Someone shit on the floor
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
