He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
