I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
